What I Learned as I entered my Thirties (Part One)

It seems to me, that the 30’s is indeed a very interesting decade in the life of someone. Certainly, it has began to seem that way for me already in my early ventures into it. For me, it has appeared to be a sort of “Transition Decade,” between what society would probably call “Young Adults” (Your 20’s), and…well…”No longer young adults?” (your 40’s).  After completing “being young,” your thirties is that decade that will prepare you for the “rest of your life.” That decade that will serve as a catalyst for what you will likely settle into thereafter. It is the decade when you begin to shake off SOME of the “youthful” activities, and start to look forward to more “mature” enjoyments. To put it simply, here are a few things I learned about as I entered my thirties:

·        I cared less about what others thought. I have never been one to care much about this, as I preferred to enjoy the freedom of not being a “football” of other people’s opinion. Thinking against the grain without fear of image has in many instances brought me a great deal of success as well, thereby concretizing my stance on this. I am human though, and hence I can’t say I was anywhere near 100% free of this worry. I would say my teens and my 20’s did have it’s share of wanting to be liked by as many as possible, being bothered by what persons thought of me, etc, and in many ways as humans we never really escape this 100%. But I must say that as I entered my thirties most of what was left in this area began to shake off a bit more. By now, I have started to figure out who I am as a person and am more comfortable accepting myself rather than seeking acceptance from others. Once again, this is a freedom I quite enjoy.

·        I tended to have less, but more meaningful relationships. My 20’s was a series of constant lessons about people. How people, in their desire to look out for themselves first, will often betray you. It was a decade of lessons about trust, and as the decade closed out, I trusted less. As a result of trusting less, I veered to valuing persons I could rely on a lot more. Also, because I started figuring out who I was more and more, I knew the kind of company I no longer enjoyed, and conversely, those few that I did. This led to much fewer, but closer ties, as I entered my thirties.

·        I made a decision to become a Morning Person – As I approached late twenties and into my early thirties, I was in a constant cycle of dragging myself out of bed every morning to go to work and subsequently not being able to sleep early enough in the night as a result. I decided one day that I would end the suffering. Surely enduring this torture everyday needed to stop. I envied others who awoke with a big burst of energy to start their day. Then, just like that, I made a decision to become a morning person and I did. Ever since then. The first morning I did endure the notorious morning alarm. But that night I set a rule – If I could read one page of a book right now (didn’t matter if I’d actually be reading, but if I did…) and would fall asleep, then I would go immediately to sleep. Some nights that was early, and others that was late. But I responded to my body’s requests and I have never woken from an alarm since. I hope for everyone to end this great unnecessary human suffering. More on this in a later article.

·        I became more confident in my thoughts – My teens and early twenties saw me having many strong views on varying topics. However, a self-acceptance of my inexperience kept me in a bit of doubt as to the accuracy of those thoughts. After all, how could I be right if so many humans are continuously doing things a totally different way? As time passed, and I could have first hand experience with these thoughts and others, and see what worked for me in my life and what didn’t, I started to become more confident thinking about things in certain ways.

·        I became more tolerant of others – Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t like people that much. It’s just that before, I use to get annoyed a lot more easily when people thought differently than I did. As I grew as a person, I developed further, what I think, is one of the most valuable traits one can possess – Being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand their perspective, and even if you don’t, accepting that people have different experiences in life and hence the “lens” through which they perceive things can make them see things a lot differently than you will. This single understanding changed a lot of things for me, and increased the depth of my relationships.

·        I became more aware of my Mortality – Don’t get me wrong, I knew from I had even little sense as a kid, that humans eventually die. But that isn’t the same thing as being aware of my mortality – not to me anyway. And in my early thirties, it isn’t yet that “mid-life crisis I’m now counting down the clock lets drive a sports car” phase. It’s more of a phase where, having experienced a few episodes of death from persons you are connected to, and also attending a few funerals by now, you become aware that death isn’t something that we don’t need to worry about for now (as we thought as kids). It is real. It is inescapable. It is happening sometimes to 30-somethings as well, and well, it makes you contemplate what it is you really want out of this one life. While we are on the topic of death I heard a quote once on it that speaks to why we shouldn’t fear it. It was simple yet profound, and I have never been able to forget it. “Death is not an experience in Life: we do not live to experience death.” It seems to me that so many of us live “unconsciously” instead of living “consciously.” Knowing you are going to die and living accordingly isn’t morbid, it is reality. It allows you to live AWAKE.

·       My Ambition became to be happy – This was perhaps, one of the most important lessons of my life. In my early twenties, my ambitions usually consisted of future success defined as a function of material wealth and position. As time went by, I realized that once people were above the basic level of poverty, they really derived no additional benefit in overall happiness from vast material wealth. Do we feel happy when we buy that new car or new house? Certainly. But just as when you enter a room with a distinct smell, you can only really notice it until you get accustomed to it, it is the same with material possessions. Once you have adjusted to what you have, the net benefit in overall happiness is almost nonexistent. Instead, I have realized that it is the Mind which translates how we see external things. And since we know life will be a series of ups and downs in life, it seemed far more important for me to focus on the mind, in order to be able to enhance the level of experience I get with the outside world. The outside world of events, over which I have little control over many areas anyway.

I left this article incomplete for quite some time, as really, life teaches us so many things, and hence I could never really complete an article on “what I have learned.” This realization allowed me to end this article where it reached today. Sharing information never stops, so as I do with many of my articles, I end Part One.